Monday, August 17, 2009

Driving Idiots!

“Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe.”
- Albert Einstein

It’s a very unfortunate part of life: men have to deal with people much lower on the IQ totem pole than themselves. This is not to be confused with arrogance, as everyone at some time does something stupid in their lives; the point is that some people habitually exercise their idiot muscles and it makes those around them irritated and angry. It is pointless to try and name all the ways humans are stupid, but one category of sheer idiocy that goes constantly noticed by men everywhere is…DRIVNG IDIOTS.
After dealing with the other idiots of the driving world: the DMV, the designers of the road infrastructure, and of course the road naming people (whoever has this job is one of the most unimaginative people on the planet) you finally get to deal with the final level of stupidity on the road…other drivers. There are several rules of the road that people just refuse to acknowledge or follow.

At no point will people finally realize that the developers of cars put these “turn signals” on cars for a reason. It would be pointless to let other people know when you’re turning because then they might be able to plan accordingly and make their turn instead of waiting for you to pass before making that left.
When on the highway, the left lane is what’s known to many as the “passing” lane. This is because all the people who are going to take the next exit, just like driving slower or are women, drive in one of the other lanes. The left lane is for men who have places to go and don’t have time for idiots driving slow.
Contrary to popular belief, tailgating someone who’s already going 10 miles above the posted speed limit isn’t going to make them go any quicker. In fact, this will probably only anger the other driver and flashing your high beams only infuriates further. Honestly what is the logic behind this move? “Let’s make this as dangerous as possible, who knows maybe I’ll make him swerve off the road and then I’ll finally be past him and be able to go 12 miles above the speed limit”. Add to that the fact that the same person doing this is incapable of seeing that they are approaching the car(s) ahead as if they were standing still and should probably match their speed in order to maintain a safe distance from said cars.
I’m sure NASA at some point will nail the whole universe part of this quote, but for now all us men can sleep easy that none of these moronic motorists are magically going to wise up before 5 o’clock rush hour…but at least we can hope that over the weekend some might get a D.U.I. and not be able to drive for some time.

(In no way do any of us here at manly guides condone drunk driving, you should have already arranged it with your favorite bar so you can set up a cot in the kitchen when you get too drunk.)

-Man 4

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