MANnerisms

As I am trying to park the car I advise, "I will meet you in 3 minutes out front dear."
"Yeah right, and you are gonna spend $5 too. I am going to go get a manicure/pedicure" Was the sweet response.

Going to do man work is hard work. Going shopping at the hardware store to start MAN projects is even harder.

We know that we will never understand women's shopping habits. I guess then it should be true that men do have their quirks when it comes to shopping. It comes by a few names: ACE, Home Depot, Lowes, Sears Hardware, Bob's Local Shack, etc.

So you broke your door knob coming home last night from the bar(without your keys, since a man never drives drunk). No worries. You are a MAN. You can fix anything(see earlier posts). You write your list, in your mind of course, so that you forget something and have to go back to the "candy store."
You need some duct tape and a screwdriver.... that's it.
You enter and you rarely ask questions in the store. You just wander through the aisles as if you were spelunking a sweet cave of treasures. You find yourself in the outdoor section and you are now on a jungle cruise. Every plant you can't grow on your own is blooming since someone who works fulltime actually waters them properly! You move onward into the lighting section. They keep those lights on so bright that you now have come into a desert. You begin to sweat looking at all the ways to ruin your electric bill and possibly kill yourself while installing them.
Oh look it's not a mirage but an actual oasis of showers faucets and tubs! You continue on your vigilant journey to find duct tape. You make it past hardware and you chuckle about the (beer) bong you once made. Then you find the plumbing section. Yes, you are a man, you broke the door handle and will fix it with items from the plumbing area.
You find your duct tape and head straight to the tool section.
Yes the tool section is like going into the hangar before flight when you are the owner/operator. You pick up the screwdriver and a pair of vice grips you already own (but it was on sale!).
On the way out you get batteries and bug spray.
So it's been 47.2 minutes and you are finally done.
You go out front and you wait for the manicure and pedicure to get done. Yes, you are the man and waste time in the hardware store while important people are busy getting a manicure

By the way when you get home you realize you need a new door nob and have to back for another adventure!!!

-Man 1